The Zen Space

Reflecting on my failed marriage, I sought advice from my mum on maintaining a lasting relationship. Despite my efforts, I failed to make it work and had to reassess what is truly important in a relationship.

I had been selfless and sacrificed everything, assuming that giving my all would ensure success. This led to chronic people-pleasing, with no boundaries in place. Eventually, I realized that the more I gave, the less I received, prompting me to prioritize myself. This change brought me fulfilling friendships and taught me key principles for healthy relationships:

1.      Have a Great Relationship with Yourself: Know your values, boundaries, and what you are willing to compromise. In my marriage, I realized I couldn't sacrifice my identity, which was crucial for my son's understanding of the real me.

2.      Communicate Your Feelings: Express your boundaries and values clearly from the start and have tough conversations to avoid relationship breakdowns. Effective communication could have saved a friendship I lost due to repeated mistakes.

3.      Do Not Be Desperate and Categorize Relationships: A strong self-relationship prevents desperation to keep people around when the relationship has ended, as desperation leads to controlling behavior and stresses the relationship. Addressing past trauma can help mitigate this. Additionally, prioritize your time based on the importance of each relationship.

Conclusion: Understanding and valuing yourself, effective communication, avoiding desperation, and categorizing relationships are crucial for building lasting and fulfilling relationships. By adhering to these principles, you can maintain meaningful connections while preserving your identity and well-being.

• 15902
• Daisy Waithera Karanja
• 0721782819
• dkaranjaw@gmail.com